Some deep thoughts about being frugal.

Hello my fellow frugal dudes, this is not the typical frugal post but I wanted to share a realization with you all that I just had. Maybe it will resonate with some of you.

I love being frugal. I love getting value out of things. But I have come to realize that I am more extreme: I am cheap. It bothers me to spend money on things that are better quality but more expensive, because I'm worried I wont get the same value for them.

A few days ago, I took the plunge on a new (used) car that is about 5x as expensive as the car I had previously, and I cant stop stressing about it. Way too much money! Too much depreciation! What if it gets scratched in the parking lot? What if I ruin the interior? Or get in an accident? No value!

The thing is, my old car (like many of my possessions) was basically run into the ground. I hated shelling out money for servicing and repairs, and I barely ever washed it so it had a lot of rust. As long as it ran decent I didn't bother.

Many of my possessions are like this: sunglasses left out of the case, headphones crumpled in a ball, wrinkled tshirts. Dont care, did not pay much for them.

My realization is this: I am scared to care for my possessions in case something external (out of my control) goes and ruins it anyway, like a scratched car, wine stain on my shirt, etc. But here is the kicker: I believe I also do this with the people in my life. I am not trying to cherish relationships by investing time or putting myself out there because I am afraid that I will be rejected (ie. out of my control). As a result, I do not have the right kind of "quality" people in my life.

Being frugal is good. Being cheap is bad. Treating your possessions (& people in your life) like cheap alternatives is the worst.

TL;DR: I am worried that I attract people like I buy cheap possessions: with the expectation that they aren't "long-lived" (ie. will fail me) so I shouldn't invest my time and energy in them.